Boundaries

Habits of mind at the foundation of this all.

This morning, I watched myself crossing my own boundary. Several times.

Bill was away for the weekend, and I intended to begin my day with meditation. Take that centeredness and move from task to task with focus, peace. I got my coffee, returned to bed, and began breathing in and out, in and out. I felt my body settling into my pillow. Anxiety stepped in. I noticed it and allowed it.

But not in that meditation way.

Habit of mind: allowing anxiety

Shortly, I was in the kitchen, demanding the dog eat the rest of her food. Pointing at her bowl with one hand, holding the cat’s bowl in the other. Then dropping the cat’s bowl on the kitchen floor.

I picked up the big pieces. “The rest can wait”, I thought to myself. And went back to my meditation pillow.

I didn’t stay put for long. Less than a half hour later there I was in the kitchen, sweeping the kitchen floor. And pushing the dog’s food bin out of the way, and discovering a small colony of ants. “They’ve been here for weeks, I’m sure,” I thought to myself. “This can wait til I’m ready.”

But I watched myself crossing that boundary once again. The boundary I had planned, anticipated, set the night before. I said to to myself, “What? I’m not important? I don’t matter? What I’m up to isn’t important?”

Apparently not loudly enough to reassert it and start fresh. Because the interruption flowed into the rest of the day. Frustration. Thoughts that it’s all on me to take care of everything. Difficult emotions. Anger, resentment.

The pep talk: What I’m really up to is so much important than dust, broken glass, ants.

Try it:

Researching your boundaries, seeing them, observing them.

Then — gently — shifting them so you’re able to go on your way and follow that pull, the important one. The pull that’s bigger than everything else.

It’s inside you, that energy, heart, gut energy, power. Knowing. Love.